Understanding the acceptance stage of grief
If you’ve ever experienced grief or have been close to someone who has, you may be familiar with the five stages of grief. They were first described in the book “On Death and Dying” written by Swiss American psychiatrist Kubler-Ross in 1969. Psychologists and therapists have discovered a lot about grieving since then and it’s become clear that grief isn’t as straightforward as the five stages make it out to be.
In her book, Kubler-Ross lists the five stages of grief that most people go through following the loss of a loved one:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Even though everyone experiences grief in a different way, most people go through the same five stages of grief. What does change is the order in which they’re experienced. The stages of grief aren’t always felt in order. Instead, some people go through all five in a single day, while others may experience them out of order.
You may also feel different emotions while grieving. Therapist Melanie Hudson notes that numbness, longing, disbelief, and deep sadness are also common emotions related to grief.
The important thing is that grief is a natural feeling and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. It’s best to be patient with yourself, give yourself time to grieve at your own pace, and go through the stages naturally.
You may find you experience some of the stages and not the others. Some feelings may be long-lasting and intense while others are fleeting and mild. Just remember that grief is incredibly personal and subjective. Just let it happen and be kind to yourself.
Acceptance is one of the most difficult stages of grief people struggle with. Here’s some advice to help you come to terms with it after your loved one’s death.
What exactly is acceptance?
It’s not easy to define acceptance in terms of grief. Just like grief is a very personal thing, acceptance is subjective and means different things to different people. What one person experiences during the acceptance stage of grief can be completely different from what someone else feels. Acceptance can mean:
- Acknowledging that your loved one has gone, they’re not going to come back, and it’s going to hurt for some time.
- That you’ve gone through the journey of grieving and you can get back to your life as it was meant to be.
- That you accept you’ve lost someone important to you and you’re moving through the grieving process.
Acceptance may mean one of the above to you or it may mean none at all. Whatever the significance the stage of grief has to you, it’s valid and is something you need to work through.
It’s common to feel guilty during the acceptance stage of grief. You may feel like you’re betraying the person you’ve lost. While this feeling isn’t pleasant, it’s also a natural part of the grieving process, as therapist Rachel Buchan explains.
Is acceptance the final stage of the grieving process?
Most people consider acceptance to be the last stage of grieving. Some choose to make their feelings more tangible and turn the ashes of their loved one into a cremation diamond.
This way they can keep the person they lost with them at all times. A piece of cremation jewellery can also act as a reminder of how precious life is and how important it is to make the most of our time on the planet.
For many people, acceptance is the final stage of grief. When they’ve accepted that their loved one has passed, they can work on healing and moving on with their lives. However, this isn’t always the case.
One day you may think you’re experiencing acceptance and you’re ready to move on. Only to find the next day you’ve gone back to anger or depression. People rarely experience the five stages of grief in the same order. However you move through the stages, you need to remember that grief is natural and you’re doing what’s best for you.
What does acceptance look like?
Acceptance looks totally different depending on the person experiencing it. The only predictable thing about it is its unpredictability. You may discover that you’re able to recover and accept your new life without your new one quicker than you imagined. You may even feel guilty and like you betrayed your loved one because you didn’t suffer longer.
Whatever way you experience acceptance, it’s natural and healthy. However, if you experience intense feelings of guilt and betrayal over a long period, you may want to consider getting help. John Wilson is a counsellor who specialises in bereavement therapy and may be able to help you.
How long will it take to reach the acceptance stage?
There’s no time limit for grief. It can take anywhere from a few months to a few years to move through the stages. Acceptance is most commonly a culmination of all the previous stages of grief. But because they also have unpredictable timelines, it’s impossible to say how long these feelings will last.
What you need to remember is that although you may feel dreadful now, these feelings will pass. As you move through the stages of grief, you will feel acceptance at some point. When you do, you may want to consider using the ashes of your departed loved one to make a cremation diamond. This one-of-a-kind piece of jewellery will last forever and symbolise your everlasting bond.
If you need some help to make your way through the journey of grief or you feel like you’ve been stuck in the same place for too long, there are people ready to help you. Therapist Naz Altinok provides bereavement counselling services for people struggling with grief. You don’t have to suffer alone. Reach out and let someone guide you through the process.