Memorialising the death of loved ones during the pandemic?

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How are we memorialising the death of loved ones during the pandemic?

We are experiencing grief on a global scale as the shock waves of the pandemic continue to reverberate around the world. Those of us who have experienced the death of a loved one this past year will also be facing grief closer to home.

Bereavement, an already incredibly difficult and painful journey, is even more challenging when separated and isolated from friends and family.

The UK bereavement charity, Cruse, stresses that losing a loved one during the pandemic can lead to more intense feelings of grief. Day to day, the combination of being unable to mourn with loved ones and being faced with many stressful events happening around the world, can create barriers to truly acknowledging and expressing grief.

The rise of digital memorials

Over the past year, we’ve worked harder than ever before to keep our relationships afloat from a distance. Being prevented from mourning with loved ones for so long has naturally pushed people to seek out alternative avenues for collective remembrance.

Funeral homes and places of worship have done well to adjust to these extreme circumstances. Many are offering live streams online for loved ones to watch a funeral or religious service from the safety of their own homes. For those attending these services, knowing others are watching too can offer some comfort that loved ones are celebrating the life of the person who died along with them.

Digital memorials and online spaces of remembrance, such as virtual gravesites, have become an increasingly common and meaningful way to immortalise the memory of a loved one. The obvious advantage being, friends and family can safely visit whenever and wherever they are.

Unlike physical gravesites and commemorative monuments, digital memorials are a more fluid and dynamic space for communication and sharing emotion. In these spaces, the deceased are made part of our everyday social interactions.

The process of writing messages of remembrance in itself is an important purpose of digital memorials. We may feel freer and less inhibited to express grief through the written word, online, which can offer some welcome therapeutic relief. There are also benefits beyond remembrance, as loved ones can find compassion and support in each other.

Although the pandemic has sparked a necessary upsurge in online memorials, a review in the Journal of Palliative Care and Social Practice states the rise of digital memorialisation began well before the pandemic and signifies a fundamental shift in how we think about death. Nowadays, there is a stronger focus on preserving a connection between the living and the dead— sustaining the memories of lost loved ones from the past into our present lives.

An ongoing dialogue about the person’s life can help bridge the physical gap between the deceased and their bereaved loved ones. The rich collection of written messages and photos in digital memorials tells a story that can stimulate thoughts and memories of a loved one. This may help us imagine and remember the person who died more easily.

Of course, some people are naturally more comfortable sharing grief online. Although digital memorials are often deeply personal and protected spaces, they are a more public forum for grief which is not welcomed by all.

Sudden, the UK bereavement charity, suggests we can also look to private physical spaces to hold memorials during the pandemic. A memorial event could be held in the home to reflect on a person’s life, maybe sharing a meal they loved or playing their favourite song. Choosing a special place where you can go to honour your loved one in the home or somewhere outside that was special to them, placing photos, cards or sentimental items dedicates a distinct space to think about this person. Even talking about and planning what you envision for a memorial event after the pandemic may provide some comfort until you’re able to have the service you truly want.

How are we remembering the pandemic as a nation?

Beyond our personal memorialisation experiences during this time, there is healing to be done on a larger scale. Memorials for those who have died at the hands of the pandemic need to be realised at a national level.

Historically, we have not been great at memorialising victims lost to a pandemic. In the 1918 influenza pandemic, national memorials were scarce compared to physical monuments in remembrance of lives lost in war, as a result of political regimes or after public tragedies such as 9/11.

To move to a place of recovery, we must acknowledge all we have endured and create safe spaces where we can share and express grief together.

In an article published last year, Professor Nicole Fox, whose work has focused on collective memorial events, stressed that memorialisation efforts for the pandemic should be inclusive and reflect the needs and experiences of the communities in which they are placed. There needs to be a recognition that the pandemic has not impacted everyone equally.

In the digital realm, the BBC has recently launched an online tribute page for victims of the pandemic. Currently, there are tributes for over 700 people with words of remembrance from loved ones. The Twitter page @Faces of Covid which began in March 2020, is dedicated to remembering victims of the pandemic around the world— reminding us that every life lost is more than a statistic.

Looking to the future, physical monuments and memorials promise a holding place for our collective grief, where we can come together in person to remember those who have died.

Several living memorial gardens will be built across England in the next few years. Living memorials typically take the form of plants, trees or gardens that eternalise the memory of people who have died. The National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire has expressed a desire to create a memorial for NHS and key workers. In Cumbria, a six-mile walking trail has been created as a living memory for all the victims of the pandemic. The trail will be lined with daffodils by Spring 2021 and will offer a reflective place for visitors seeking solace.

There is an important role for both physical and digital memorial spaces to honour those we have lost during the pandemic. At a time where the physical distance between us can feel great and unending, the value of safe digital spaces to memorialise loved ones is unquestionable. Moving forward, physical memorial sites can provide an immoveable sanctuary for healing, and a special place to acknowledge and remember each valuable life lost.

About the author

Helen is a freelance writer specialising in psychology and wellness topics. She has a PhD in psychology and a varied background in mental health and wellbeing. You can find her on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/helen-brown-9210a874/?originalSubdomain=uk